How honest should we really be in a relationship? Telling your partner everything means you’re totally honest with your partner, but is that really a good thing per se? Does it come with some side effects or is it totally beneficial to the relationship?
Should I tell my partner everything? I asked myself that question, and the first answer I gave myself was “of course, I should”. Then I asked myself the same question but turning it around a little: ‘do I tell my partner everything?’ I answered honestly “no, I don’t”.
Telling your partner everything means you are totally honest with your partner; likewise, not telling that person every single thing doesn’t mean you are dishonest.
Let’s say as a man you invite your lady home for the first time (a lady you truly love and care about), and your mum tells you in private that your lady wouldn’t make a good wife for you, citing irrelevant and flimsy reasons – the next day, your lady asks you what your mum thought of her, what would be your response? Would you tell her everything just because you’ve heard somewhere that you should tell your partner everything? Telling her everything in this case would hurt her and probably hurt your relationship as well – so what then do you do?
Telling your partner of an ex is also not relevant especially when you have nothing with that person anymore; you could only ignite jealousy in that partner of yours and that could create a problem where there isn’t.
Your close friend describes your man as ugly; should you go on to tell your man just because you feel ‘you should say everything’? Especially when you know that would hurt.
Total honesty should be encouraged in a relationship, but it’s a matter of relevancy.
ANSWER 2
It depends on they sort of partner in question. If you’re talking about a marriage partner, then my answer to the question is a big ‘yes’ because marriage is an enormous union. It goes beyond having sex and children; It’s about literally sharing everything, and absolute trust as well. The moment you take the vow to marry someone, you also make a vow to offer them yourself in exchange for their own self.
That includes their blessings and burdens, so there is no room whatsoever for secrecy. Whatever goes on in your life, your partner should know — how much you make, where you work, what you do and more. It is their marital right to. Besides, unless you open up, there is no way they can proffer solutions and advice when you need them.
Hiding anything from your spouse shows the absence of trust and lack of respect for them—and if that is the case, then, maybe you should not have married them in the first place because you’re missing one of the very standards of marriage which is to honour your spouse. You dishonour them by holding back things from them. So yes, it is a matter of obligation for you to tell your partner everything.
Outside marriage though, I wouldn’t advise anyone to divulge just any information to their partner, and the reason is simple – you are just dating them, and not married to them. No matter how good the relationship may seem, you can never be so sure where it’s going— anything can happen at any time.
And there are all sorts of people out there; you can decide to quit the relationship tomorrow, and they turn around to blackmail you with the same information you gave them. I’ve heard of cases leaked nudes that came as a result of bad break up. Things like that make it ill-advised for one to be careless with certain information about themselves. You can tell your lover stuffs, but know where to draw the line. Do you tell your partner everything? I mean everything?
Dr. Sammy Baya is the author of ENERGY AND DESIRE & INFIDELITY
EMAIL: dr.sammybaya@gmail.com
MOBILE: 0724569024